When I was in my late 20s and early 30s, my dream life included a happy marriage with two kids, a successful career, an Instagram-worthy home, and maybe a passion-fueled online business on the side.

It was all I ever wanted until… I got married and had a kid within the same year. 

As you can probably guess, there goes the Instagram-worthy home. Sure, it was designed with that intention, but (as always), reality found a way to slap some sense into me.

Through my daughter’s first year (and the first two years of marriage), I discovered to my horror that marriage is hard work. It’s not the fairy-tale happy ending I’d imagine. I learned that a stable marriage doesn’t mean we are both happy all the time. In fact, most of the time, it’s anything but a rom-com.

Fast-forward to my early 40s: I’ve climbed the career ladder, my marriage has weathered many storms, and our daughter is now almost eight. We still live in the same house. It’s far from a curated space, but it’s perfectly imperfect for us: a home that holds mess, memories, and love in equal measure.

And that side hustle? I let that go ten years ago to focus on my career. I have no regrets.

How did the transformation take place?

It didn’t happen overnight.

There wasn’t a single “aha!” moment that changed everything. It was more like a slow, quiet unraveling of old expectations, followed by a gradual rebuilding of new, realistic ones that actually made sense for my life.

I started to see that “having it all” wasn’t just unrealistic. It was exhausting. The mental checklist never ended: To be a present mum, a loving spouse, a success at work, and a halfway-decent daughter.  

Bonus points if I managed to do laundry thrice a week (including folding them) and remember that the kid had to dress up for a Halloween party at school (which meant making sure she had the best costume). 

Yes, I was that mum when she was in preschool.

I kept trying to juggle it all, and then beating myself up when one (or more) balls dropped.

Eventually, I had to ask myself: Is this what I want, or what I thought I was supposed to want?

And that question, hard as it was, freed me.

What Balance Looks Like Now (Spoiler: It’s Not Pretty, But It’s Real)

These days, balance doesn’t look like a well-oiled routine or a color-coded planner. It looks like choosing what matters today, and letting go of the guilt for everything else that doesn’t get done.

It looks like replying to emails while my kid watches TV, and then turning my mind off work so I can spend time with her as she winds down to bedtime – listening to her almost eight-year-old brain spiral through thoughts about her day (I look forward to her daily tea about what happened in school) and APT lyrics.

It looks like celebrating wins at work, even small ones, and not letting the fact that laundry is exploding in the hallway ruin that moment.

Some days I’m thriving. Some days I’m just trying to keep my head above water. But most days, I’m learning to pause, reassess, and tell myself: You’re doing enough.

Because “having it all” now means not doing it all. It means knowing what to let go of.

Things I’ve Let Go Of (with Mixed Feelings, as an Introverted Type A)

• The pressure to be “on” all the time. I’ve traded this for boundaries.
  
• The belief that my value is tied to how productive I am.
  
• The fantasy that I can control everything.
  
• The guilt of not doing it all “perfectly”.
  

I still care deeply. I still want to do good work, be a good parent, a good partner, and a good daughter. But I’m no longer trying to ace all  those things simultaneously, every day.

Redefining What “Having It All” Means to Me

So no, I don’t “have it all.” Not in the way my younger self imagined.

But I have..

• A career that continues to challenge and evolve with me. 
• A marriage that’s grown stronger not because it’s been easy, but because we’ve love each other 
• A daughter who is loved deeply (and reminds me daily how much I still don’t know). 
• A home that’s often messy, but always full of life.

And maybe most importantly, I have a version of myself I’m actually comfortable with.

“Having it all” isn’t about juggling more. It’s about choosing less, with more intention. It’s about recognising that fulfillment doesn’t come from ticking boxes, but from knowing what’s worth showing up for.

And if that means redefining success, slowing down, or making space for joy in small, quiet ways—then I’ll take that over the Pinterest-perfect dream any day.

Because this life, with all its beautiful chaos, is mine.

And that, I’ve decided, is more than enough.

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We’re Pearlyn and Sha — two digital strategists (and moms) who’ve been in this game for over a decade. We help brands connect with modern moms in ways that are strategic and human.

👉 Follow us for more insights on branding, motherhood, and digital strategy.

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